I want to relive the days when all that mattered were watching cartoons and coloring within the lines. I want to be praised for saying monosyllabic words and successfully peeing on the potty. Gone are the days of nonchalantly wiping sticky boogers under the table while trading pudding packs for fruit gummies during lunchtime festivities. Oh, how I miss those days.
Life was much simpler when we had limited responsibilities of washing our hands, brushing our teeth and memorizing our home address. Our parents willingly did everything for us as we were so helpless and terribly cute. If we had spilled our food, who cleaned it up? Not I! Our innocence was our most cherished feature as it shielded us from disappointment and obligation. The simple phrase “I’m just a kid!” allowed us to avoid making effort while granting us permission to continue playing in our state of the art blanket fort.
I vividly remember the time I peed my pants in kindergarten, but it was ok because I was just a kid. It was on a rainy day during music hour where 5 year olds actively participated in banging blocks of wood to create music; the most primitive form of song was produced in Mrs. Butler’s kindergarten class. We were taught to form a quasi-gang sign/sign language symbol with our hands as a symbol for permission to use the bathroom, no voices needed- just gang signs. I vigorously held my little hand up but amongst the aboriginal commotion Mrs. Butler failed to notice me. With each bang on the blocks and as every minute passed the urge to release myself yanked at my bladder and heightened my vertigo. Being the obedient child I was, I struggled with the idea of doing right from wrong; “well…she hasn’t given me permission…” but suddenly a cold shiver crawled up my spine then a warm tingle dripped down my legs- I did wrong.
Technically, I was right to pee in my pants because I was not given permission to use the bathroom but as an act of a civilized human being, I was wrong. A serene feeling of calm consumed me, I felt as if I had fallen into a state of euphoria and all my senses were enhanced. This evil mind game that challenged my self-control was over. Peeing was my drug. No one noticed that I had coincidentally peed in my pants and in my eyes, neither did I. This naughty act of negligence created a deep and twisted secret in my heart. When it was time to go play outside, I got up and took long, suave strides towards to door without flinching at the uncomfortable chafing feeling of wet pants. Like a true criminal, I fled the crime scene.
It was a perfect day to pee in my pants; the rainy weather had given wet pants on the other kids as well. So what if the other kids only had the bottom of their pants wet? Mine was wet all over which obviously meant I play harder- I am such a badass. When I had returned to the class room I saw two kids on their hands and knees cleaning up my misfortune. Mrs. Butler thought it was rain water that the kids had dragged in after playing outside, so two teacher pets volunteered to clean it up. They were so naïve. I stayed far away from the evidence as questions were continually raised of what that mysterious puddle substance could be.
“It smells like coffee!” One kid yelled.
“But I didn’t spill my coffee...” Mrs. Butler replied in confusion.
I remained in the corner watching my accident’s aftermath from a distance while taking great satisfaction as I witnessed two kids clean up my coffee smelling pee. But it’s ok because I was just a kid.